Transitioned into my 5th year anniversary with the company yesterday. Recall distinctly the night I signed the employment agreement. Was called into the room and JJ emotionlessly tossed the paperwork at me. Had only been working as a contract staff for close to three months, though was earlier promised a permanent position, had not held my breath. In fact, was rather comforted to find a job in the exact area of my postgraduate field, especially when it is so rare in Singapore. My thanks to CY, truly.
“So with effect from tomorrow, you will be converted to be a permanent employee. I’m sure this is not bad news.” JJ is not a cold person, far from it. That night, he was oddly distant. Thinking back, wonder if he even wanted the conversion to happen. Perhaps it was for my good. However, now with my knowledge of the internal mechanisms, am certain he had done alot to ensure that it actually happened.
Referring to the effective date of employment, motioned that it is a cruel joke if that’s what it is. Almost ignoring that, he asked if I’ve looked elsewhere. Mentioned about the offer of a generalist position in a big IT firm. His stern look was indecipherable. Disappointment or confusion? “You have to decide. Specialist or generalist?” Little did we both know, the resolute answer to that question resulted in this vicious mud that am in right now.
Though suffered an early setback in the department of relationship management, held onto the faith in myself and a deadpan disregard for the rumours and hypocritical moves. Till now, am still amazed at how I managed to outlast the gossipmongers who were, at one time, pulling every trick to see me fall. Truth does prevail, if one can cling on long enough to see that happen. The ride was so difficult that it makes it so precious. But when and why did it become so unbearable? Hate to see the tenacity down spins into the slump that I am now. Yet, cannot snap out of it. Just can’t.
Five years ago, skipped along in hopeful cheer that am going to make a difference in a large corporation who seems to believe in the exact same things. Five years on, it is no longer mutual.
In a rather cruel twist of fate, she tendered her resignation. It was supposed to be a good thing, but am horrified that it is not me.
° need a long f break