Running away proved to be more difficult than expected. Not looking for the exact resolution but at least something to get me by.
It is just a number. Two digits in fact. Why does it bother me so much? It’s like I don’t have any more to offer. It’s like what is going on since forever? Just like what Derf said, I did nothing in the last five years. What have I accomplished? It haunts. Hurts more, and at two minutes to midnight, it really haunts.
Thought that running away would be as easy as avoiding the train of thoughts. After the short sprint on the rubber strip of corporate workout machine, it did very little for me. Sure, the scenery of the Singapore oversized ferris wheel floating over the sea is a pretty sight, somehow it did not remove me very much from reality. Not as much as I had hoped it would. As soon as the treadmill slowed down to a stop, my heart skipped and poof! I was back.
Nothing works. Nothing ever, anymore.
* * *
Dexter, the show disturbs me. Realize that am no different than an empty person trapped in layers of pretence too. Perhaps am too like the protagonist – unable to feel and thus always look bored, bothered and absolutely dead.
Need to read more books. But where do I begin?
° looking for eve.