September is the month to be left behind. This is now official.
Have made a promise (almost) to be moderately or close to being satisfied with whatever life serves in the dining hall. For the major part of the year, it was a fairly simple track to cling onto. Then September came. It came and left. Left behind the same mess that torpedoed into my line of sight some 5 years ago.
When you witness your hard work drift into nothingness, it hurts. Never thought it will hurt this bad. Then the angry tears make it far larger than it really ought to be. How the unreasonable remain the lid-batting party in the right and the irrefutable argument may baffle some. It confuses me not. The incontestable fact reminds me that am not the type. Am not among the ones who ride along. That, made the angry tears roll. And that in turn, made me angrier.
Leaving it is such an easy option. So easy and yet such a cowardice exit strategy. When surprised 5 years ago, the tears of shock broke down the defence and fight took charge. When it is of disappointment, I realize, the physiological function escapes. It refuses to barge forward as the snaps of weakened leaves and hollowed twigs remain the only sounds one can hear.
Can I do it? When reason fails, when faith leaves, when eyes can no longer believe – pushing on one more time is such jack-and-a-beanstalk-ly tall order.
° give it time